You know, all that cheering and applauding and screaming has a slightly melancholic air to it this time because this is our last ever Coca-Cola New Music Podcast.
What kind, what flavour melancholic?
Lime, lemon and lime.
Lemon and lime, that's my favourite.
Hello, my name's Joe.
Hi, this is Adam.
Welcome to the Coca-Cola New Music Podcast.
This is the last Coca-Cola New Music Podcast with Adam and Joe.
I'm sorry about that, but that's the way it goes.
What, look, hey, come on!
What?
Look, don't worry about it.
I'm talking to the listeners.
Don't worry, hey, oh, don't, ooh, don't do that.
Come on, pull, yeah, pull your trousers up and just stop that.
Now we can't tell you why it's our last Coca-Cola New Podcast.
That's a classified secret.
But we hope you'll carry on listening to new music and exploring brand new bands in the way we have for the last 12 months.
Quite how you'll do it, we're not sure, because we won't be here anymore.
But, you know, give it a go anyway.
You can stick with Eddie Temple Morris.
Do it through Eddie.
That's right.
And for our last podcast, we are once again going to listen to four of our favourite tracks from the last 12 months.
And next up is one of my personal all-time favourites.
Yeah, also one of the best band names that we had on the show.
We had a lot of great band names.
But this one is a spectacular one, and it's Snake and Jet's Amazing Bullet Band.
And this track's called X-Ray Spirit.
I love this.
Oh, that's a smash, isn't it?
Fantastic.
I love that one.
That's X-Ray Spirit by Snake and Jet's Amazing Bullet Band.
You know, can I confess to listening to our own podcast every now and then?
You can if you really want to.
Earlier in the year I was on a glamorous airplane flight between two glamorous American cities.
Killing the planet.
And I downloaded our podcast and had a listen to it, and that track was on it, and I was dancing in my economy seat.
Really?
To the extent that the stewardess came over and said, excuse me, sir.
Excuse me, sir.
could you stop dancing?
There's no dancing in economy.
You haven't paid for a dance docket.
Exactly.
So can you stop that?
More or less they would probably introduce something like that, you know?
You know what?
It was even a slightly juddery flight.
Right.
There was turbulence and a storm outside, but I felt so warm and cosy and comfortable with the sound of that track in my luggles.
Yeah.
I could have used that track on my recent trip to France, you know.
I went on holiday to France over the summer.
And I won't say the name of the airline, but it was one of the budget airlines.
Did you buy a teddy bear dressed as a pilot?
Say yes.
Yeah, I did.
Yeah, you've got to buy the teddy bear dressed as the pilot.
Why not?
Why wouldn't you?
Did you buy a small plastic plane?
I bought a plane watch where you flip open the plane and it tells you the time.
You used to have one of those, didn't you?
I used to love it, yeah.
It was great.
Yeah, a little plane watch.
So some of that stuff you can buy on planes is really good.
Like the alcohol.
Yeah, and the aftershove.
Damn those low-budget airlines.
I will damn them.
If only they weren't so convenient and economical.
killing a planet.
Can be fun.
Anyway, here's some more music.
Another one of our favourite tracks from the last 12 months.
This is called Sometimes and it's by Exit.
Remember this one?
That's a track called Sometimes by Exit.
A brilliant example of young talent here in the UK.
Exactly.
Young talent with something to say, singing about their lives, singing about reality without having to talk about guns and putting women down.
So many things are changing in the music industry so fast.
You know, young people are able to make their own music, produce it to a professional level, cheaply.
The charts have changed completely.
You know, are they still relevant?
No.
How many records do you have to sell to get a number one?
Fifteen.
Fifteen, exactly.
How many different charts are there?
About a million.
Right.
Is the track that's at number one in the indie chart as good as the track that's number one in the download chart?
Who knows?
Who can figure it out?
Things are changing.
The world that your mum and dad grew up in is no longer in existence.
It's a brave new world.
They used to drive from A to B in some four-wheeled death box.
Now we have hover cars.
Exactly.
And it's very easy simply to hover around in a hover car.
Now we were speaking before, Joe Cornish, about Aftershove.
Yes.
And you tantalisingly mentioned that you had some names to drop on the subject.
I did.
I'm not going to tell you why, listeners, but the other week I was at a very posh hotel in Los Angeles, the capital of tinsel town, Hollywood.
Is it?
It's also the city of dreams.
It is the city of dreams.
It's the most brilliant city in the world.
They manufacture dreams and tinsel.
That's correct.
I was in a posh hotel where the stars hang out.
I was having a drink with some stars because that's the kind of life I lead.
And who should come over but Robbie Williams.
Former, take that member.
Blobo.
He was dressed amazingly beautifully.
Right.
In the world's most incredibly lovelily tailored suit.
He had a tie on, his hair was beautifully slicked, he looked very healthy and he smelt amazing.
Delicious.
I don't really understand aftershave.
I don't understand the logic of it.
You don't understand deodorant.
That's a different topic.
But why would you be attracted to a person because of a smell they'd bought in a shop?
That's an interesting question.
But Robbie Williams was wearing the most beguiling aftershave I've ever had the pleasure to inhale.
Do you know what it smelled like?
Incense.
Instead of saying incense, I kept saying incest.
That can happen, yeah.
And we got into quite a sticky sort of conversational outpast.
As it were.
That, Robbie, you really smell of incest.
You stink of incest.
It's such a beguiling smell.
You know, it reminds me of my childhood.
here's a bit of music for you now folks now this is a track that i really liked it sort of reminded me of a lot of my favorite things about music the kind of ad hoc nature of it the fact these guys are clearly very young and just having a laugh and and making something uh fun with not very much it's a track called johnny took the world on and lost by a band called fools of fortune
Enjoy!
Yeah, and there's a very good reason why we're saying goodbye and why this is the last Coca-Cola podcast.
Why don't you tell the listeners what that reason is, Adam?
Well, I'm sorry to tell you this, folks, but because of the damage that you have done to the planet, the world is going to end by the end of this year.
Well, that still gives us time for some more podcasts.
Don't you mean it's going to end in the next two weeks?
They're not exactly sure.
It's sometime this year it's going to end.
That's really depressing news.
It's a little bit depressing, but I read it in the Evening Standard the other day.
Really?
Yeah, it's a London-based newspaper, and they had an article all about the end of the world.
And also a number of my friends have been talking about it.
Really?
And I'm sure they're right.
Do you know this theory that Hollywood, the dream factory, where they create all films, has a kind of conspiracy with international governments to prepare, stick with me, to prepare the populace for doomsday scenarios by showing them in films?
Do you know what I mean?
You're sitting watching Steven Spielberg's War of the Worlds.
Right.
You're watching thousands of desperate people trying to survive in a chaotic world, struggling to board a ferry, fighting over the last remaining car with fuel.
You're filling your face with popcorn and going, what an entertaining escape for an afternoon.
Yeah.
But what's really happening is secretly the government are saying, this is going to happen.
Why would they be in their interest to say that?
Are they not showing you the worst case scenario so you can avoid behaving like that?
Exactly.
Exactly.
They're just getting you used to what it'll feel like and sound like to be in a situation like that.
When space aliens come and start... When spay-liens.
Spay-liens, yeah.
Yeah, come.
Well, you know, it's unlikely to be space aliens.
It's a metaphor, isn't it?
Yeah.
It's Al Gore they're talking about.
talking about a giant Al Gore with his big tummy and his crackpot theories coming stumbling over the horizon blasting away the homes of innocent people in fact he's nestling under the ground and he'll be activated by a laser beam from space and then he'll emerge right outside the church there's an irony well exactly exactly you know folks don't worry about it because that's none of that's true no it's just a paranoid conspiracy theory
Here are the facts, okay?
The climate is changing.
Man may well have something to do with that.
There are certain measures that we have to... Are you sure these are facts?
These are the facts.
There are certain things we have to do in order to curb our behavior and help this beautiful planet that we live on.
However, I can guarantee you, and this is a cast iron, solid gold, ad buxte guarantee, that this planet is not going to end within the next five months.
Really?
Wow.
That makes me feel so comfortable and secure.
We have got more than five months left.
All right, folks, so don't worry.
The reason the podcasts are ending, in fact, is because Adam and I have bought a yurt in northern Europe in an undisclosed location.
Me and Adam and Richard Madeley have bought a whole lot of tin foods and shotguns and we're going to live there.
On a hill.
Like separatists.
People from BBC Two will occasionally visit us and make documentaries about us, but notwithstanding those visits, we'll be living basically a sort of a Grizzly Adams back-to-nature existence, learning to forage from the land, catch fish, pleasure each other.
We'll be recycling each other's wee and making cocktails out of it.
We should remind listeners that that isn't the real reason there's no more podcast, and none of what we've said is factually or scientifically true.
It's all just spurious bullocks.
What about the wee recycling?
That's true.
We do do that.
The yurt bit is true.
Yeah, that's all true.
Yeah.
Okay, so listen.
Here's one more track for you before we leave you folks.
Here's something that would be very enjoyable to listen to on Doomsday.
It's a track called Puerto Plata.
It seems to be sung by some kind of Germanic Muppet outfit and I think the name of the band or the act is African.
This is one of the most mysterious tracks we received during our tenure, isn't it?
Well, it is because I dug it up and it's not one that was vetted, as it were, by the muse spurts from across Europe.
I just found it, you know, riffling, riffling, ruffling through CDs and stuff.
It was a musical truffle that you sniffed out with your, with your music snout.
With my piggy nose, yep.
And you bought it in and said we should play this and lo and behold you were right because it's an extraordinary bit of music.
Hey, that's a track called Puerto Plata, I think by a band called African and certainly one of my favourite tracks that we've heard over the last 12 months on the New Music Podcast.
Yeah and we should say a heartfelt thank you to everybody who's submitted music via the website www.cokemusic.com but just because we're not doing the podcast anymore it doesn't mean that you can't continue to submit your music and it doesn't mean that Coca-Cola won't be running all their other European podcasts and getting unsigned bands and new musicians noticed.
So carry on logging on
Does that make sense?
Carry on logging on to www.cokemusic.com to listen to the best of new music from around Europe.
I'm Joe Cornish.
I'm Adam Buxton.
Thanks for listening.
We'll see you soon.
Cheerio.
Bye.
Love you.
Bye.